What is depression? It is likely you know someone with depression as it is very common and affects about 1 in 20 people in the UK. The symptom that most people are aware of is feeling unhappy for long periods of time. This is certainly true but there are other symptoms that interfere with everyday life as well. In my case, depression causes this deep heaviness in my body that results in me laying in bed for long periods of time. There is also a heaviness in my mind so that I have no interest in doing anything and lack motivation to carry out daily activities. All in all, the symptoms of depression are unpleasant and difficult to overcome.
It is this difficulty that has prompted much reflection. Perhaps my relationship with God is not close enough. Perhaps I am not praying enough. Perhaps I do not have enough faith that He will heal me. Perhaps I am not letting the power of the gospel break my chains. Perhaps all of these things. But like any chronic illness, how one manages the everyday symptoms is what shows character. I cannot choose to have depression, but I can choose how I respond to it. Whether I feel like it or not, obedience is important. Obedience to read the Bible, pray, lead worship and plan lessons. I know that God can work through my obedience so that His presence touches others and eventually myself. He is gracious in that way.
There have been many days where I have wondered why God will not just take my depression away. We can see many miraculous accounts of healing in the Bible. However, this may be the wrong question to ask. Perhaps a better way of phrasing the question: why has God allowed my depression to remain? It is possible that my depression could be a thorn in my side to stop me from becoming conceited (2 Corinthians 12). It is a tangible sign of how much I need to rely on God in order to live out my life which keeps me humble. This has shown me that it is not because of a lack of faith that my depression exists, it is because of what God knows is best for my faith that it is still here. If I believe this, then my depression has a purpose, and my suffering is not in vain.
Ultimately, whether I have depression or not, whether it is a thorn or not, I will continue to praise Him because He works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).